July 3, 2019

“Die while you are alive,
and be absolutely dead.
Then do whatever you want.
It’s all good.”

Q I had a dream last night and death was following me.

A Death is always following you. The process of awakening is the process of death. The death of everything you believed to be you. One will not realize without the force of death. It is why we make death our best friend. Talk about hanging out with the wrong crowd huh? Every spiritual aspirant has a giant fear of death, yet has great courage to not run from it but instead, seek it out.

Q Why do we seek it out?

A We use it. We kill everything we can kill, or said more nicely drop away everything we can drop. A dropping of everything that is not “you.” which of course is everything. Give it to the Fire From Within, burn every layer away. What is left that you can’t burn away is what you are. You can’t read about realization or death, you have to experience it. All death experiences are shocks! Every other experience, no matter how wonderful and nice, is actually nothing but a “spiritual experience.” Bliss, oneness, love- they are all things from mystical places, still in the dream, that allow us to see the dream differently and give us energy bursts to continue (helpers on the way). Truth is death. There is no such thing as a transformation. Something must die for something new to be born. The caterpillar dies in the cocoon, while the butterfly is born.

Q But I have read books about people in near death experiences who saw their loved ones and families and…

A Those are NEAR death experiences. Near death, but not DEATH. Dead people never lived, so they never died. You can visit any of them right now, this moment. You don’t need to die to talk with the energy body of a dead person. But from the standpoint of realizing your true nature, winding up in some eternal happy place with all your friends, is just the final layer of the matrix. It could appear as an experience, but like all experiences- it comes and eventually goes. No matter how long form could stay in this happy place, the ego would eventually reenter the dream world of material hell again.

Another is people who talk about old souls or new souls, “I am an old soul, so I have lots of big things to work out this time.” You should see right through this immediately. If there is no time how can there be an old or new soul? There is only one soul, and that soul itself is a phantom for it is separate from things that aren’t souls. Go past all this to see what you really are.

“True philosophers make dying their profession,
and to them of all people, death is the least alarming…
it is the prospect of attaining their lifelong desire…wisdom.”

Q Then what?

When death came in Johnston Canyon, all the years of searching just ended. There was nothing to search for, because there was no one left to be searching. The moment of death is seen as the simplest and easiest thing form will ever do. This shatters “you” and leaves you like a newborn child. Everything you thought you knew about everything is now messed up. That is the symbology of baby Horus on the lap of Isis in Egypt, or baby Jesus on Mary’s lap (same image). It is not the birth of a person in this world, it is what happens after awakening. There is still a form, but the form is back to being a baby in reality- and you have to learn everything all over again to function in this dreamstate- but the dreamstate can never again trick you into thinking it or form is what you are. But the body has a long way to go to handle what that means, 10 years or so maybe.

Everywhere from new kingdom Egypt to the modern times, religion has its base in a fear of death. And thus the need at any cost to keep this thing called “me” alive, for eternity, and navigate this dual possibility of heaven and hell that will come to us. Heaven and Hell. See, duality even after dying. And this me needs to think that it will survive forever or what is the use of all this? Fear of death is not the fear of your body dying, but the fear you as you know yourself will come to an end. It is the fear of the end of your story, the amazing story of “me.” And that “me” does not want to come to an end. So it projects an afterlife, all out of fear. Do you really think you are that important to be needed for eternity?

One thing I never understood is that everyone thinks that when someone dies they are going to some fantastic happy ever after heaven, but then they are sad and crying. Shouldn’t they then be bursting with, “hey they made it out of this dump and are in the eternal perfect happiness of heaven.” But no, people are sad at funerals? Why. Because when really confronted with death, their fairy tale hopes does not seem to offer much solace. Until you know death personally, you will always be afraid of it, and try to avoid it. Or we cling to stories of the so-called masters who attained immortality from their meditation practice. What is the point of that? Would you really want to live forever? And who gains from that idea?

A form can never die. Energy can not be lost or gained. Thus no form dies, just changes. The body disintegrates into its components elements, so nothing is lost. Ashes enrich the soil, or worms live on it. One life form lives on another life form, so the form is immortal. Life uses everything to make more life. Do not be afraid of death, it is the greatest advisor in your life. Death confronts you with the mortality of your body, mind and soul. At the moment of death, you have to finally question “who am I, and does my form and mind really exist?” So why wait, why not begin that inspection right now? After you body has died and been buried, and the memories and experiences are gone, ask what remains? What is the thing that does not change? That which can never change or be affected in any way, will be what you are.

Some deaths have great fear attached to them. The body will fight for survival, that is what it does. And the ego experiences great fear when physical death is appearing. Yet at the exact moment when death is guaranteed, when there is no way out, all that remains is a peaceful clarity. Fear dissolves and so does the need to fight death. Form becomes transparent, and there is nothing left to struggle against. In my moment all that I could think of was how surprising it was that I was to die in “this way.” No judgment, just curiosity. All that remains is the emptiness of what I always was, what everything is. All questions disappeared. With approaching nothingness, the ego’s stupid and useless questions simply vanished, and I just wanted great seats to view my form’s last moments.

Q So how do you use the force of death as you call it?

Some smart reader out there is saying, well if death is so great, I will just commit suicide and get it over with. That won’t help anything, you think somehow this will give you some advantage. The body will begin to decay and feed the happy ants and soil. Life keeps going, and you are still trapped in the dreamworld because you thought there was a you that could commit suicide. In the very idea you are freeing yourself, actually you are trapping yourself even more. Another trick from the shadow mind. In truth whatever can die is dead already. It never lived and thus can not die. There is nothing in the moment of death that can die. You are pure existence. It is here and now, that is the only thing that is.

“If you die before you die,
then when you die,
you will not die.”
Zen Saying

Q So death takes us to what we are?

A No, death takes everything away you think you are, leaving the remainder that was always there. You don’t have to go to where you are, because “it” never went anyplace.

Q So death is just killing what I am not?

A That is a good way of putting it. Thus instead of being afraid of death, we have to make it our best friend, our number one tool. The trick is die while still alive, kill all your attachment to all your masks and costumes and then see what is left. Anytime I had any type of death experience I was always left asking, “who am I?” In ancient Egypt or Toltec Mexico structures were created to push the aspirant into the mode of death. Sometimes they would just create a moment of physical death, like throw a student into the crocodile pit and see what they can do. Could they go beyond their mind, could they alter reality, could they see the truth of themselves and their situation? Of course it also meant they lost a lot of students. Mostly they built structures, pyramids and temples that were designed to bring the experience of death to the ego mind in a number of ways, with the idea of stripping away self from the experiences themselves to reveal Self. Thus the best teaching was just the letting the student alone in the structure.

When you accept being dead and are not upset about it in the least, freedom is approaching. Then the moment of death may come to you, and then if the script has you returning, you are here in a sense in completely detached from the dream. Accepting being dead with no need to return is the very act of releasing our ties to the dreamstate and to the self. It is appropriate to remember that Christian monks kept their own coffins in the cells where they slept, to be a constant reminder of their own inevitable death, thus to not be lazy and intensify their spiritual practice while they were still alive. Only when you for sure realize that death will come some time and take everything you thought you owned, only then will you have nothing to lose. With nothing to lose, one can get courageous. When you know they you are already dead, you can just go ahead and jump into the abyss.

Ego is the only thing that is afraid of death. Death of the false self is the only fear. This is the mystery of Golgotha, and just as the sun set on Christ on that hill, we must remember those words, “think not that I have come to bring peace on earth, but a sword.” That sword is to kill every aspect of the self we thought to be real. Self development ends with the death realization that there is no self to develop. Faced with death the ego is reduced to what it is, nothing. We go through may different death experiences until the final ah-ha death moment, “there is no me to kill.” Real death is death of the idea of death. A freaky realization. You are gone, but here you still are. No longer are you interested in karma or control or fear of your actions. You see you were nothing but a dream character, an actor. And now you are “free” to be the puppet you always were, to live out the wishes of what you are, in form. We have given up the need to struggle, to hold our beliefs, opinions, hopes, dreams, memories. Something comes from this, but I can not tell you what that is- you will know if death taps you on the shoulder, and if you are holding nothing, then you too will know the secret about death personally.

Written by Howdie Mickoski


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